In my view, there are three key stages that occur throughout a transformative coaching conversation. Though I have found that these stages tend to happen in a particular order, they can also jump back and forth, depending on the discoveries that the coach and coachee are making at any given time. These three stages are “generating self-awareness,” “facilitating self-directed learning” and “encouraging self-discovery”.
Self-Awareness – “I Know It Myself”
A coach first starts out by generating self-awareness in the coachee. In a coaching sense, generating self-awareness really means making sure that the coachee understands his or her place in the dilemma, goal, or situation being discussed. The coachee needs to know what the desired end result of the coaching is, and the gaps that may exist keeping the coachee from reaching the goal. This can be a challenging stage to explore, as people generally do not spend a lot of time thinking about themselves and where they are currently in their present reality. When you add to that an exploration of where the coachee really wants to go, and gaps are explored that are keeping the coachee from what he or she wants to achieve, it can be an emotional, sometimes painful, and possibly (hopefully) a transformative experience. If the coach fails to create this initial connection with the coachee, there runs the risk of not instilling in the coachee a will to succeed with clear goals and actions. Therefore, clear questions and deep listening, empathy and trust, care and love, are all elements that need to be working together in our coaching relationship to truly come to terms with where the coachee is and the coachee wants to go.
Self-Directed Learning – “I Solve It Myself”
While the coachee is optimally making use of self-directed learning throughout the coaching session, it is in the coming up with ideas and solutions to the dilemma that the coach must act with great care and dignity for the coachee’s potential to be allowed to explore and blossom on their own. This is where the coach needs to hone in on solutions that are positive and future focused, and not get stuck in too much detail or allow the coachee to excessively think about the past. As well, it is extremely important that the coach does not give advice or solutions. Once the coach starts giving advice, the coachee may stop thinking on his or her own, harbor resentment, get defensive or, just “turn off.” The coach needs to facilitate the coachee’s self-directed learning, so that the ideas that are created are truly self-generated by the coachee. When the coachee thinks up original solutions, a bond is created to the goals that is so much stronger than if the coach creates or suggests the solutions for the coachee. By watching for where the energy really resides in the coachee’s ideas, we can help to find solutions that will be exciting for the coach to pursue.
Self-Discovery – “I Understand Myself”
Finally, self-discovery is all about the coachee reflecting on the thought process, the solutions that are devised, and the insights that are developed throughout the entire coaching process. The coach is not only trying to help the coachee work through dilemmas or come up with solutions to problems. What the coach really needs to do is encourage the magic of self-discovery in the coachee, and how this impacts and helps the coachee to grow within the “big picture.” Not checking on insights may not affect the outcome of the session, but the coach can lose the chance to take the conversation to a new level of understanding. With understanding into how insight develops, there can be massive growth that goes beyond merely setting some new goals. In this sense the coach is not there just to help the coachee, but is there to help transform the coachee. Through self-discovery this transformation can be achieved.
There are myriads of elements at play as we coach, but these three main stages that a coaching conversation goes through are key and what I find to be the most important. I have not specifically discussed coaching techniques, as there are many ways you can achieve success in the stages noted above. However, as you reflect back on who you are as a coach and what you want to achieve with your coachees, think about the level to which you take them to within the three stages. Our abilities and knowledge of what being a good coach means can only be measured through the level to which our coachees are self-actualized. When we can do this, we are making the coaching profession proud.
Dr. Terdtoon Thaisriwichai
Thailand Coaching Institute
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